This story is about a woman who finally stood up to her mother-in-law, whose controlling behavior had pushed her to her limits. The constant interference and attempts to control every situation became too much.
Here’s what happened:
My husband and I are in our early 30s. We’ve been married for a few years but together for 11. Over this time, we’ve often argued because of my mother-in-law’s behavior.
To sum it up, she’s been controlling, not just with my husband but with me too. She pressures my husband to make me do what she wants in situations that don’t concern her. She’s been disrespectful, invasive, and demanding. The only thing she hasn’t done is directly insult me.
I kept telling my husband that I was fed up with her behavior and wanted him to do something about it, but he never acted firmly, so she never changed.
I would try to stay cheerful and not cause problems, but everything kept piling up, and I was always on the edge of losing my temper around them. I told my husband I wanted to limit contact with them for a while, but he insisted we visit. He knows how much this affects me.
So, we met up, and my mother-in-law started her usual behavior. I stayed quiet until I couldn’t take it anymore and started speaking up. I didn’t insult her, but I didn’t let any inappropriate or invasive comments go by without pointing them out. She was surprised and asked why I was acting this way.
In a fit of anger (I wasn’t yelling, but my emotions were clear), I told her she had disrespected me for years, and now she was getting what she deserved. I told her she made her bed and should lie in it.
Things got tense, and we left. I’m upset but feel free for standing up for myself. My husband is torn, and my mother-in-law is very angry. My husband now says he understands my feelings but wants to keep the peace and apologize.
I refused and said I’d only reconsider the relationship if I see some effort to be respectful. I won’t apologize for what I said because I meant it and would say it again. I reminded my husband that he had many chances to stand up to her, and he never took me seriously. I also said I never insulted or yelled at her, so apologizing for my reaction feels wrong.
People stood on her side.
“You’ve been treating yourself poorly for years by staying with a man who is willing to sit by silently while you are being treated disrespectfully, and asks you to take the poor treatment to keep the peace. Why did you marry him before this got resolved?
At least at this point, you don’t have kids. If he does want kids, then find a good counselor and insist on establishing boundaries with the ILs before you bring a baby into this toxic family.
“Hubby is used to this treatment from his mother. It is likely the way it has always been. Now that he has finally acknowledged what an unpleasant woman his mother is, it is time for him to enforce boundaries. Apologizing to this woman will not put a stop to her behavior, but likely reinforce to her that her actions are tolerated.
“I lived this for 40 years. You need to go no contact with MIL until your husband can grow a pair and stand up to her. He should tell her that the toxicity stops now, or he will also cut contact with her. This is his job and not yours.
I don’t blame you for snapping — I know what it’s like. But he needs to man up because this is his problem and not yours. It took counseling and threat of divorce for my husband to understand.
